It is hard to describe how many different situations there are in which you could and should ask others for help. At work, when you can’t get ahead with a task and don’t seem to find an answer, or in private life, when you’re planning a move, to name just two of the classic examples. You just stand there and don’t know what to do on your own.
In such a situation it is best to orientate oneself on children. Because for them it is absolutely normal to ask for help and to have something explained to them if they don’t know it yet. A quality that many people unfortunately lose in adulthood. At some point one suddenly starts to question the natural reflex and is ashamed to ask others for help. There can be different reasons for this change.
You may have had bad experiences when you asked someone for help. Such experiences can be very memorable and even if you don’t consciously remember that the request was denied or perhaps you were even smiled at and laughed at for it, the future behavior can be influenced by it. In the same way, the environment and the general attitude in society can play their part in making it harder and harder to ask for help. Many people find themselves under ever-increasing pressure to succeed and meet expectations.
Mistakes and flaws? Can hardly anybody afford himself in the today’s time – at least so the widespread picture. Asking for help quickly turns into an admission that one can no longer keep up. A nakedness that no one wants to give themselves in a world where everyone has to be perfect.
Why it is so difficult to ask for help
What makes it so difficult to ask others for help is often anchored in one’s own thoughts. It is this inner voice that prevents us from following the first impulse and so we do not ask, but torment ourselves alone with our problems, which might be solved in no time if we could only overcome ourselves. But that is exactly what is so incredibly difficult about it – although both sides would benefit if help were asked for.
Whoever asks for help usually gets it and is no longer faced with an unsolvable task, but can continue. The other is asked for help, which in itself makes you happy, as it shows that you are valued for your skills or knowledge. At the same time it is a nice feeling to see how you could help someone else.
But if you know which thoughts make it so difficult to ask for help, you can do something about it:
One shows weakness
Asking for help always means admitting that you can’t do something. You show weakness and may make yourself vulnerable to others. Especially professionally, the competitive situation is often enormous and so everyone tries to present as error-free a picture of themselves as possible in order to meet the high expectations and not lose the connection. Thus one tries to hide each inadequacy – which does not function, if one asks openly for assistance.
Here it only helps to work on one’s own attitude. Do not make the request for help more than it is. It is perfectly normal and in many situations even the best solution if you ask for help. This should also be understood by a good leader: Whoever asks for help learns, who does not, makes the same mistakes again and again in the long run.
One is afraid for one’s reputation
What do the others think of me? Many people worry about how they are perceived by others. You want to be liked and respected – and you don’t want to be a loser. Unfortunately, these are the thoughts that keep coming up when you have to ask someone for help. Although this is usually unfounded, the effect remains.
Ask yourself: How important is the recognition of someone who sentences you for asking for help? In most cases, these are exactly the people you can do without in your life anyway.
In addition to the view of others, the self-image also plays an important role. Self-esteem can be seriously affected if you feel that you are not good enough and have to ask for help. Suddenly you believe that you can’t do anything right anymore and develop more and more self-doubt.
It is not easy, but be aware that asking for help is a sign of self-confidence and a clear self-image. Enough people mistakenly think that you are not asking for help.